/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /* ponder.js Code was created by C. Eton. Statement author unknown. Only 1 item need to be edited: 1. The Statements array variable. */////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //Set font family and color // List the statements to display. Add statements as necessary. var Statements = new Array( 'When companies ship Styrofoam what do they pack it in? ', 'Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ', 'What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? ', 'Why is it called a TV \"set\" when you only get one? ', 'Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills? ', 'Why don\'t sheep shrink when it rains? ', 'Is laughing stock cattle with a sense of humor? ', 'Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM? ', 'Why do tugboats push their barges? ', 'Sooner or later doesn\'t EVERYONE stop smoking? ', 'Why is a keyboard called a keyboard if it just has little buttons? ', 'What is the purpose of that little ball on top of the flagpole? ', 'If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away? ', 'Why does your nose run and your feet smell? ', 'Will you die if you get scared half to death twice? ', 'If a vampire can\'t see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?', 'Why is the word abbreviate so long? ', 'Do married people live longer than single people do or does it just seem longer?', 'Is it true that cannibals don\'t eat clowns because they taste funny? ', 'Can you be a closet claustrophobic?', 'How did a fool and his money get together?', 'If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? ', 'If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?', 'Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?', 'If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? ', 'Why do banks charge you an \" insufficient funds\" fee on money they already know you don\'t have? ', 'Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?', 'Why is it when a door is open it\'s ajar but when a jar is open isn\'t not adoor? ', 'Why do they call a pear a pear if there is only one? ', 'Since light travels faster than sound, isn\'t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? ', 'If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? ', 'Why do they say new and improved? It can\'t be new if it was improved can it?', 'Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? ', 'Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? ', 'Isn\'t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? ', 'Why is there only ONE monopolies commission? ', 'Why is an orange an orange but an apple not a red? ', 'Why do people look up when they think?', 'Why is it called a building when it\'s already built? ', 'Why isn\'t phonic spelled the way it sounds? ', 'Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? ', 'Why isn\'t \"palindrome\" spelled the same way backwards? ', 'Why do you have a hot water heater when you don\'t need to heat hot water? ', 'Just before someone gets nervous do they experience cocoons in their stomachs?', 'Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn\'t work?', 'Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ', 'When I erase a word with a pencil where does it go? ', 'Why isn\'t there mouse flavored cat food? ', 'Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together? ', 'If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into? ', 'Why does an alarm clock \"go off\" when it BEGINS ringing? ', 'Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it? ', 'If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat? ', 'How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?', 'If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? ', 'Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? ', 'IF you\'re cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right? ', 'If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ', 'What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?', 'Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic? ', 'If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too? ', 'If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? ', 'Shouldn\'t there be a shorter word for monosyllabic? ', 'Before they invented drawing boards what did they go back to?', 'Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new? ', 'If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan? ', 'Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo? ', 'Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?', 'Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? ', 'What was the best thing before sliced bread? ', 'Why is it when to planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldn\'t it be called a near hit? ', 'Isn\'t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do \"practice\"?', 'Why is yawning contagious? ', 'How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn\'t grow in it? ', 'Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?', 'If a mute swears does his mother was his hands with soap? ', 'What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? ', 'If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out? ', 'Is there another word for synonym? ', 'Where does the lost sock in the washer and dryer go? ', 'Why doesn\'t onomatopoeia sound like what it is? ', 'Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? ', 'Why doesn\'t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ', 'Assumption is the mother of screw up ', 'Work is the price you pay for money ', 'Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed ', 'Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. ', 'A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. ', 'Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing? ', 'Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? ', 'What\'s another word for thesaurus? ' ); /* GetStatement( ) is the primary function. It assumes the following: 1. The HTML file contains a form named "statementform". 2. Within the statement form, there is a textarea or textbox named "statement". */ function GetStatement(outputtype) //modified by javascriptkit.com to either write out result or set innerHTML prop { if(++Number > Statements.length - 1) Number = 0; if (outputtype==0) { // document.write(Statements[Number]); gem=document.write(Statements[Number]); } else if (document.getElementById) { gem=Statements[Number]; // document.getElementById("ponder").innerHTML=Statements[Number]; document.getElementById("ponder").innerHTML=gem; } } // function GetStatement(outputtype) //modified by javascriptkit.com to either write out result or set innerHTML prop //{ // if(++Number > Statements.length - 1) Number = 0; // if (outputtype==0) // { // document.write(""); // } // else if (document.getElementById) // document.getElementById("ponder").innerHTML=Statements[Number]; //} // The GetRandomNumber( ) function extracts a random number within a given range. function GetRandomNumber(lbound, ubound) { return (Math.floor(Math.random() * (ubound - lbound)) + lbound); } // The Number variable keeps track of which statement to display. It will start at a random point. var Number = GetRandomNumber(0, Statements.length - 1);